April 26, 2009

Global Warming's New "Alleged" Cause

First global warming was denied. Then it was reticently accepted by those deniers, yet they still rejected any human complicity.

Now, it seems, there's a fall guy/gal for global warming's cause. One who already has been historically humiliated and remains the only victim of politically-correct prejudice and alleged 'humor': Overweight people.

According to British scientists in The International Journal of Epidemiology "overweight people contribute to global warming more than their slim counterparts".

Their reasoning? "Overweight people can be responsible for the emission of a ton more of the greenhouse gas carbon dioxide than thin ones, mainly due to their eating more food and the additional fuel needed to carry them in cars and other vehicles".

Okay...let me see if I understand this? Thinner people don't drive as often or as far as larger people? So....I guess all those "thinner" people I see at the supermarket, in restaurants, stopping at Dunkin Donuts' drive-thru window, or piling into vehicles loaded with with bags of MacDonalds' fries or hefting home some take-out pizzas.....they all drive Priuses and are donating all that food to charities? (Obviously charities populated by fat people, of course.)

Or are these scientists saying that it takes more gas to power a vehicle carrying a 200lb. person shopping for their family's groceries than it does to haul a Hummer-full of thin 18 year-olds just tooling around the neighborhood all evening or an entire summer day, all talking on their cell phones to each other? Ya think?

If an overweight person was placed on top of a glacier, would that person cause an ice flow any faster than a stiletto-heeled, bulimic Ann Coulter tromping over the same area while barfing up her warmed intestinal contents?

If 10 overweight people protested outside a CO2 emission-fouling factory, would they be polluting and creating more greenhouse gasses any more than the 50 thinner employees inside pulling the levers, flipping the switches and pumping the stuff into the air?

Oh, I could go on. But then I'd be guilty of making as ridiculous comparisons and drawing similarly ludicrous conclusions as this - no doubt - anorexic group of British scientists.